We are all looking for Mr. Right when we should be searching for our life partner. There are many clichés such as “he wasn’t right for you” or “you’ll find the right one,” as if we are looking for the right pair of shoes to offset an outfit. Sadly, looking for a partner is often equated with fashion. If we wear the “right dress” we will automatically find “the right man.” We have to remind ourselves, we are not looking for an accessory but an individual who is interested in developing a partnership. Our powers of discernment are compromised when we seek someone who looks like the man in our daydreams or wears a suit like our father. Our mind tells us that he is the “right one,” but how do we know if he is the “wrong one” even if our mind tells us he looks like someone our family and friends would approve. Here are five ways to spot the wrong guy even if he looks like the “right one.” These five guidelines can help us develop our powers of discernment and make informed decisions about our choices. It is not fool-proof, but using these guidelines will help in eliminating the guys that are definitely to be avoided if we are seeking a life partner.
1 – Develop Your Intuition and Practice Following it- We are all comfortable following our mind, but this can often lead us into trouble. We have mental pictures about how our man should look and act. If we meet a man who reflects our mental pictures then we automatically think they are “right” for us. If we have an uncomfortable feeling in our gut about someone who looks and acts perfect, then we need to pay attention. Our intuition is speaking to us about this individual and we need to honor it and not listen to people who say “you two are perfect for one another.”
2 – Pay Attention to His Behaviour- As women, we love to hear men complement our looks and achievements, but if his behaviour is inconsistent then we need to reconsider our choice. For example, if he cancels several dates at the last minute because he has something else to do, then we need to move on. We need to pay attention to body language, trust our interpretation, and not make excuses for his behaviour.
3 – Avoids Uncomfortable Conversations- If “Mr. Right” avoids conversations about our concerns in a relationship, such as money or sex, then we need to check in with our intuition. If our date is consistently not paying his share at a restaurant or activity then we need to open that conversation. If we do not have a mutually beneficial result then he is “Mr. Wrong.”
4 – Self Centered- This is an easy way to spot “Mr. Wrong.” If we are at a gathering and we meet a man who looks perfect and he is talking about himself then cuts us off when we try to interject a comment or express who we are then he may not be someone with whom we want to get involved. Maybe we go on one date to confirm our intuition.
5 – Mama’s Boy (or immaturity-) this is the most difficult to spot because we often find it charming if a man is devoted to his mother. “If he is that considerate with his mother, then that’s how he’ll treat me,” we think. In these cases, that is not how he will treat us. His mother will come first and her approval is of primary importance, especially the approval of the woman in his life. And, in the end, we will also try to please her.
Search for “Mr. Right” does not have to be a chore. Following these simple guidelines will illuminate our quest for a partnership and help us make intelligent informed choices. In this manner, our path will be empowered not demoralised.
Carmela Cattuti is a writer, visual artist, and teacher. She is the author of Between the Cracks, a novel based on her great aunt’s inspirational journey from Sicily to the U.S. Carmela is a graduate of Boston College’s master’s program in literature. Join her Facebook community and visit her on her Twitter for event updates and articles. Visit http://www.betweenthecracksnovel.blogspot.com for your free chapter. The novel may be purchased on amazon.com.