I wondered, how come that some people are so easily loved. I wondered why their friendships do not fade but last. Why are they almost never dumped and how come they have so many close friends? We all know those people, but how they do it?
I have been thinking what actions define the line between regular friendship and close friendship/healthy relationship.
In simplification, I believe the line is defined by the actions of sacrifaction.
Some scientific studies call it giving: they proved that those people who give the most and appreciate the most are also the one who tend to be loved more than other people. (Do Good Live Well Survey, Feeling Good about Giving: The Benefits (and Costs) of Self-Interested Charitable Behavior)
Today it is easy to make new friends, we live in social environment, we have so many possibilities to make new “friends” yet I believe we struggle in making lasting friendships and relationships. People get used to be friendly and to tell the truth a little bit fake when it’s needed. It’s often hard for us to distinguish true friends.
Sacrifaction may be the key to the way we distinguish real/close friends to “the people we just met”. The closer the friend is to you the more is he willing to sacrifice his needs to fulfil yours.
If your car gets broken 20 miles away from your home it the middle of the night and you call your best friend, he will (probably) sacrifice his need for sleep and will ride to help you. You would do the same for him. That’s a real friendship. You cannot expect that from a guy that bought you a beer yesterday.
We are pre-programed to return those sacrifices, and that’s how real friendships are built. We appreciate when someone sacrifices their needs for us, we feel that warm, friendly bond between us.
Same goes with partner relationships. Imagine a relationship where the first partner only wants to make the second one happy, he does not care about himself that much and the second partner thinks the same way. Both are prepared to sacrifice their needs, both want the best for the other one. Because both think the same, both will receive more than they even expected, both will be happy. That’s a dream, that’s what I call a perfect relationship.
Why you should want to have closer friendships and lasting relationships? Well, maybe because it will make you happier! Don’t believe me, believe scientists from the University of Warwick in England that proved this connection.
NUMBER of friends don’t matter; what matters is WHO you can call if you are in deep trouble.
If you want to build closer friendships and lasting relationships be prepared to sacrifice your needs, even if you sometimes don’t like it. Personally, I welcome every time I can sacrifice my needs in favour of a friend: I take it as an investment that builds friendships. Think about it.
Have you liked the article? Then do yourself a favour. Don’t sit on your ass, go and do something for your friends.